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Author Name: Freesybilvane 12 Comments
Date Added: April 25, 2004 11:04:24 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Too predictable
A carriage bound westwards
The trains of your robe flying in the wind
The sun sheds the last rays onto those
Untired enough for the night

The wrought-iron portals are opened
You escort me to your private treasures
Velvet vine and mirrors that conceal
Anything but the unreal

Moving closer, you whisper
Words of another world
While the porcelain ladies
Fan away their envy
And offer me sweet grapes

Then the picture reels to a sudden halt
And my decision is due:
Yes, I'm in love with a gentleman
But it's certainly not you
Author's Notes:
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'Too predictable' Copyright © Heike
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Comments:
Comment By: Freeartandsoul on August 8, 2004 06:20:36 AM Report
This is so cute! Refreshingly witty, and well written. Good job!
Tanya
Comment By: Freeartandsoul on August 8, 2004 06:20:35 AM Report
This is so cute! Refreshingly witty, and well written. Good job!
Tanya
Comment By: FreeAlison Storm Wolf on August 2, 2004 01:15:51 PM Report
aye! a poet you are and no mistake!
Comment By: FreeAlison Storm Wolf on August 2, 2004 01:15:43 PM Report
aye! a poet you are and no mistake!
Comment By: FreeEric on July 13, 2004 09:37:22 PM Report
This is a wonderful, and wonderfully descriptive poem.
Comment By: FreeLeonard Wilson on June 24, 2004 07:33:54 PM Report
"While the porcelain ladies
Fan away their envy
And offer me sweet grapes"

I just LOVE those lines,Heike.You really are a poet...len
Comment By: FreeAlison Storm Wolf on June 11, 2004 01:39:26 PM Report
Ok Heike, lets make a deal? If you don't want him...I will take him!
Comment By: FreePaul Peter McLean on May 20, 2004 10:55:07 AM Report
Very good Heike. I liked the "carriage" and "trains" wordplay.
Comment By: FreeMegan Catherine on May 12, 2004 09:35:06 AM Report
What a surprise ending! You painted the picture well. Good job.
Meg
Comment By: FreeJennifer on May 4, 2004 12:54:47 PM Report
what an ending! I love this start and definatly to finish!
Jen
Comment By: PremiumMary Lou Allen on April 27, 2004 11:34:22 AM Report
Ah! Illusion, mystery, smoke and magic mirrors. How to know what's real? Your last line shows you know. I love this. ML
Comment By: FreeCorina on April 26, 2004 07:40:30 AM Report
this gives me shivers.... very very beautiful... what an unexpected end




 


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