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Author Name: FreeAbby 6 Comments
Date Added: February 29, 2004 13:02:39 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Unspecified
Category: Love Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
Skywriter

I come with a modest plea to your rainbow shade
I come for a divining paint on a heart luxuriant
as angel in the sweet chorus of paradise

write her tender heart in the golden face
and gates of heaven
and deafening ovation of the dazed earth

paint her not in your drunken dreams
of running colours
paint her perfumed breath refreshing as
sea breeze on a dry windless day
write her gleaming lightness illuminating
as the strands of daybreak
write her hair darker as eyeless nights
of trysts and whispering confessions
write her golden smiles
as goddess on lines of beauty rites
paint her fingers as flames of fire
only meant for my wet and anxious touch
write days as void, deficient
but her matchless laughters

paint her heart to sing
and not pass
with my heart left 
in shrouded shadows
Author's Notes:
Report Offensive Poem.

'Skywriter' Copyright © abby
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on October 12, 2007 01:10:10 PM Report
"paint her lovely fingers as flames of fire ", love this!! I feel a deep adoration written into this poem. She Whispers is honored that you wrote this for her, and rightfully so...it is absolutely stunning!

 

The only suggestions I will leave is that you a) don't get burned

b) eliminate words such as lovely & beautiful which really do not describe effectively

c) there are a few places where I thought an was necessary.  I'll send that in a PM okay. (( Petty, I know but hey, I seem to be a bit of a pernickity one!)) *laughs*

 

Darn it Abby, you are outshining the sun!

 

~Barbara~ *thrilled to read quality work like yours*

 

 

 

Exquisite!

Comment By: FreeCynthia Jones on October 28, 2004 10:31:41 AM Report
Abby, this is such a wonderful write. It's fiiled with such beauty. *S* Cynthia
Comment By: FreeCorina on March 3, 2004 03:57:15 AM Report
Another beauty in your unique style, full of wonderful metaphors and tender feelings.
Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on February 29, 2004 02:31:17 PM Report
ABBY,
MY DEAR FRIEND THAT I ADORE.. THANK YOU FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL POEM FROM YOUR TENDER HEART..
I HAD TO READ IT TWICE TO CAPTURE EVERY WORD OF FEELINGS YOU WROTE WITH YOUR SILVER PEN OF PASSION..
I'M HONORED YOU WOULD WRITE THIS POEM...FOR ME!
YOU AND YOUR TALKIN WORDS TOUCH MY HEART .. ALWAYS LOVE VELVET -RAVEN(SHE)
Comment By: FreePeter Williams on February 29, 2004 02:20:24 PM Report
id have to agree. very beautifull
Comment By: FreeWilliamGoldenpen on February 29, 2004 01:56:18 PM Report
This is a beautiful, gentle poem that warms the heart when read. Thank you for sharing.

William.




 


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