This is new,
This all-consuming gut-wrenching panic.
Was it always there, but the expert in me
hushed it away,
stood confidently, stately even,
on top of the crumpled rug to hide where I'd swept it?
No. We both know
that's not true.
Me, and the before me.
Or me and the after me.
I gulp the air and
view the sunset pink,
the emerging, secretive stars.
Deep breaths to welcome the widening night.
Welcome, peace. We've been desperate for you.
Under closed eyelids I search
for the before me,
grasp for the after me,
calmly settle into that space, the space
she occupied. She'll occupy.
Hope to wake in her body. Her mind.