Mockingbird, First Off let me welcome you to Creative Poems. I have been here since early 2003 and , for me, it has been a worthwhile
There are all kinds of poets and writers from all over the world here. If advice, information or just plain acceptance is what you're
looking for, sit back, write and enjoy the site. I was gone for several years; but like all true poets; I've returned to a writer's home.
Nice to see that you didn't arrive without work to show; Interesting concept. One comment -- It might help to break the work down
into divisible lines, For example Lines 1 and 2 are really one thought. think about combining them. They are long lines, true, but in
a free verse work, the ideas conveyed are the important aspects, and are told in interesting ways. Might also help to "Justify to the
Center" for clarity Bruce