I once was happy as could be
A branch upon a mighty tree
Rockies were my home
From which I thought Iíd never roam.
Then one day, I think in May
Three lumberjacks strolled along
With hairy chests in dirty vests,
Singing a Python song.
The girly one, they called him Sue
Cried "Look Iím sure this one will doĒ
Swung a blow with his mighty chopper
OMG it was a whopper.
All too soon we were bits of tree
England bound across the sea
Shaped, chiselled and sandpapered down
Brought to a Grog shop in old
Oh! Lordy the sights I was to see
In this awful den of iniquity
A hooker and a cross-eyed bloke
Were supping lamp oil laced with coke.
While an ancient craggy faced old doll
Was gyrating round an upright pole
The rumour was, or so they say
He had come ashore that very day.
My fate was sealed, the die was cast
I had found my future home at last
Please forgive my shame I beg
Cos now Iím Long Johnís wooden leg.