I'm Alfred and I killed the people who built the Batcave.
I know that it was an evil and shameful way to behave.
What I did was very wrong and it's enough to make your hair curl.
But I couldn't risk them exposing Master Wayne's secret to the world.
They died of heart failure because what I did was sinister and crude.
I killed them by showing them a photo of George Bush Senior's wife in the nude.
That photo is enough to kill anyone.
It's much more cruel than using a gun.
You'd better not rat me out or I'll show you that photo too.
That's something that you don't want to happen to you.