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Author Name: Freealiopterix 2 Comments
Date Added: January 03, 2014 03:01:19 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Rhyming
Category: General Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
A Knight's Soliloquy


A Knight's Soliloquy



But now what's this? Cast out deceit

My heart betrayed by rapid beat;

Comes now this wench for whom I yearn

Who flaunts her charms and makes me burn;

Damn her and me this weakness hurts

My ardour grows as do her flirts;

See there so green that flashing eye

Which roves and hunts the likes of I;

The bosom laced but hardly strained

The heaving mass not quite constrained;

O God! My heart! Please let it pass

This pain which now has come to pass

A stabbing piercing in my chest

Is this you Lord? Perchance a test?

The timing grim for there a chance

She smiles at me again romance?

Or just the dreams of sad old man

Who sits alone on this divan;

Look there! Again but someone new

She offers him a pungent brew

No doubt to tempt the man from grace

Excitement shows upon his face

For shame! Once more my hopes are blown

By Hazel witch whom I've not known

Nor likely to I further share

For I lack now the strength to dare;

So tell me Lord what age is right?

When does my day resort to night?

Such maidens here demand a tryst

Their painted faces must be kissed

But I sit here an aging Knight

No longer with the fire of fight;

They stay aloof and out of reach

Is this the message that You preach?

'Tis pity now I feel old friend

I miss the counsel that you tend;

I grow so old and weary too

I crave my death a meet with you;

And then perhaps in Heaven's rest

We'll once again be put to test

And task and feel alive does this

Not charge the soul and temper bliss?

See now she goes linked arm in arm

With he a pawn and she the charm

Another drink I must now take

My thirst this one has yet to slake;

The thirst for life and company

A bitter drought on me you see;

I raise my glass to she whose smile

Does dazzle bunk and thus beguile;

And to your memory my old friend

We'll meet again when comes the end.



Author's Notes:

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'A Knight's Soliloquy' Copyright © Alistair Muir
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Comments:
Comment By: PremiumLindaM on January 5, 2014 01:06:31 AM Report

I loved this write Alistair as I have all your others set in the era of knights in shining armor.


Linda


Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on January 3, 2014 11:59:42 AM Report

May I suggest breaks after, "Is this you Lord? Perchance a test?" The attention shifts from the woman to questions to the Divine. A break gives pause and time for the reader to reflect on the question asked. Thereafter (in what I consider the second verse) the attention goes back to the woman, also questioning the Lord again and should end (verse two) with the question, "Is this the message that You preach?". So line break here.


It is here the attention shifts as the subject changes to the deceased friend for a bit. Consider the next break at, "Not charge the soul and temper bliss?".



Consider letting the last two lines stand alone for impact, it makes for a great wrap up that doesn't get lost in the previous lines. (A statement that stands alone and strong.)



Perhaps having three characters within one piece complicates it some. If you ever wish to simplify and clarify this poem you could leave out those lines directed at the Lord and keep it between the reality of the moment and the deceased friend.



I hope this gives you food for thought. It never hurts to look at our work with fresh eyes. Nice content and consistent 'voice', I enjoyed this period piece. As always, your rhyming is well done. I'd be quite proud of myself if I had written this poem.



~Barbara D.~






 


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