I'm playing Santa Claus at the mall.
I don't like it, I don't like it at all.
When a little boy sat on my lap yesterday, he pissed.
Now my Santa suit smells so he's on my naughty list.
I was furious at a boy because he kicked me in the nuts.
They had to hire a proctologist to remove my foot from his butt.
I promised a boy a mountain bike even though his father said it was something he couldn't buy.
He used a blow torch on my head and I had to take my break early so people wouldn't see Santa cry.
This morning a two hundred pound boy sat on my lap.
I called him Porky and his mama gave me a slap.
A teenager ripped off my beard and mooned me and told me to go to Hell.
The little bastard didn't like it when I broke his nose with my bell.
I get abused and I keep telling my boss about the pain.
He says he isn't paying me fifty cents an hour to hear me complain.
Some people enjoy playing Santa Claus but I sure don't love it.
I'm turning in my Santa suit, they can take this job and shove it!