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Author Name: FreeLaPoeta 3 Comments
Date Added: November 27, 2011 16:11:37 Average Score: (Needs 1)
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Type: Rhyming
Category: Humor Add To Favorites | Text Only
Twas My Night Before Christmas

Twas my night before Christmas, when all through the house

Creatures were stirring so we had to delouse

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care

It put a nasty stink all through the air

The children were nestled all snug in their beds

None for the worst because we had to shave their heads

And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and me full of crap

I got real drunk so she gave me a slap

When out on the lawn arose such a clatter

The cops explained just what was the matter

Away to the window I flew like a flash

I closed the shutters and hid my stash

The moon on the breast of new-fallen snow

I didn’t pay the heat bill so it was about five below

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear

My neighbor Bob bringing a case of beer

With a little old step, so lively and quick

I knew in the morning we would be hung over and sick

More rapid then income tax is the way he came

And he whistled, and shouted, and called me a filthy name

"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer and you cute little Vixen

On, Purpose! We’re Stupid! No wonder we’re Blitzen

I slipped on the porch right into the wall

The cash away! The stash way! Dash away all

And then there was a twinkling, I heard up on the roof

My brother in law took a leak the yellow snow was proof

Down the chimney he came with a great sudden bound

He never would have made it if he weighted another pound

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread

He spoke not a word and rubbed the bump on his head

He stood up slowly and went straight to his work

And filled all the stockings; not being a total jerk

And laying his finger aside of his nose

Giving a nod, he snorted up blow and wiggled his toes

He sprang to his feet, let out a whistle

And away he flew like the down of a thistle

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,



Author's Notes:

My version of a holiday classic

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'Twas My Night Before Christmas' Copyright © Steve
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Comment By: FreeLeonard Wilson on December 3, 2011 04:32:47 PM Report
This brought a tear to my eye..It reminded me of so many Christmases from my childhood...Excellent story, Steve..LOVED IT!!...len

Comment By: FreeMoon Fairy on November 28, 2011 01:31:17 AM Report

I loved this!! Made me giggle the whole way through from beginning to end..always a pleasure.


Comment By: Freee. Gene Myers on November 27, 2011 06:58:48 PM Report
Cute, but very shameful.

Santa       *<<<<];-})}}}}}       Ho Ho NO!!!


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