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Comment By:  leahlopez on July 14, 2013 08:03:35 PM |
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I can understand why this poem is a favourite of yours. You have expressed some remarkable quotes here Dan. Well done!
MITZEE
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| Comment By: Sensual Sorceress on September 14, 2012 04:08:45 AM |
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Hi Dan,
Some nice stuff here, however you ask for 'brief critique only' so I would suggest that you send this to me via pm if you want to know what I would suggest. There are several issues I'd address were it me.
blessings
Jolen
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| Comment By: Janice Herzog on July 14, 2012 03:09:40 PM |
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Dear Dan: This is very beautifully written! Janjan
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| Comment By: Connie on July 11, 2012 01:45:49 PM |
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This is a beautiful poem. Really well written, beautifully worded. So descriptive with some great emotions. There's so many great lines and paragraphs but my favourite is:
"The sky writer message is in a loop de loop.
Our moon wears forever a set of foot prints.
A ships propeller leaves a wake in the ocean.
The tattooist waits eagerly for you to decide."
Just beautiful.
Top marks!
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Comment By:  Pamela A. Lamppa on June 12, 2012 09:20:34 PM |
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How beautiful. So many lines that really stood out for me, like: Can a rose hide its petals from the love me or nots? and What is love without the pain? One will lose and one will gain.
Very nicely done. I enjoyed this so much. ~Pamela
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| Comment By: Kymberly Donn on June 4, 2012 02:37:40 PM |
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This is what poetry is ALL about. I don't have the vocabulary to express how truly beautiful this piece is.
~KD~
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| Comment By: Aminath Neena on April 13, 2012 10:55:38 PM |
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Truly, one of the most beautiful poems that I have read. I had to read it a lot of times. Thanks a lot for this.
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| Comment By: Steve on October 5, 2011 09:41:11 PM |
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An excellent write, so true what is love without pain?
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| Comment By: Dirk Kruger on October 5, 2011 01:46:45 PM |
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wow Dan, this is superb, what can i say , everybody before me have said it all, all i can say is a second WOW
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| Comment By: She Whispers on October 5, 2011 01:03:50 PM |
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Dan... I went back and read this again..... For some reason it speaks out differently....
I must admit it clutches ones heart... You write with your heart so exposed...
***** Hugs ~She Whispers
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Comment By:  RichardM on October 4, 2011 09:27:36 PM |
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The interesting weave of pictures and ideas within seems to set up waves, with heights and depths of emotions in time. As my mind breaks upon the questions as they are presented, it's quite a journey. I knew I arrived in the final stanza. Very personal and enjoyable indeed! Thanks for sharing with us!
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| Comment By: sHeRi on October 2, 2011 01:18:27 PM |
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dan-This is my favorite of poems of all poems. Your imagery is endless and painted such a deep emoionally connective vision. I loved every word and every emotion it sparked in me..beyond going to my fav's..it will be printed and carried with me.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Thanks for sharing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Comment By: Angel Wings on October 1, 2011 09:19:12 AM |
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Dan, this is so beauiful . i love it!!
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| Comment By: Leonard Wilson on September 30, 2011 06:53:16 PM |
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Very thoughtful and poetic verses, Dan.
""I will forever love you at any price.”
That's when you know you have the real thing...Good stuff!!...len
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| Comment By: Mary on September 29, 2011 03:53:57 PM |
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mmmm,,,,the taste of love i feel so deep within my taste buds...
What is love without the pain?
One will lose and one will gain.
once again great write
mary
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| Comment By: HOPE on September 28, 2011 07:14:06 PM |
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Dan
a wonderfully deep poem. Love, is truly a "battlefield", a struggle . "not easily swayed" "Love without pain" But once you've found it, it is yours. I loved the hope you expressed in the end. Yes Love can be hard on the soul but it can move continents and bring so much solace and peace. Thank you for the invite, I read it twice, a great piece.
Tina
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| Comment By: Shirls on September 28, 2011 03:29:08 PM |
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Great write Dan! You have a way with words.
Shirls
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| Comment By: MoonStar on September 28, 2011 01:49:02 AM |
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Whoa!!!! You just took my breath away with this masterpiece. Freestyle at its best and I do mean best! I so love doing that type of style and this made me feel like I have no clue on what freestyle even is. What a thrill this was, Your words brought forth so many images and I agree with all on saying this was the finest piece of work I have set my eyes on in a very long while.. To favorites is right!!! And not many go there guy..
How proud I am of you!!!
Write on Dan, write on....
Hugs
Moonie xx
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| Comment By: Jim Kistner Jr on September 27, 2011 11:11:03 PM |
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This is..simply wonderful. To me it tells of the lasting affects one who we love(d) has on our life, even years afterward. An excellent free verse...almost makes me sad you waited before trying this style...please write more :)
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| Comment By: patricia kena on September 27, 2011 06:32:18 PM |
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hi i enjoyed your poem good write :) x
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| Comment By: Henry M. on September 27, 2011 03:52:06 PM |
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Wow, this is so very beautiful, what a great tribute to love this is Dan. Henry
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| Comment By: Tristan on September 26, 2011 06:18:11 PM |
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Beautifully written, Dan, from depth of heart. Starting with lines that seemed to be distant from each other -- unfamiliar neighbors acquainted by some bond that transcended them -- the thoughts gradually became coherent to each other... a product of the reflections of the soul that was experiencing the memories and the history that had created each story... the rhythm/choreography/meaning that was born from the stream of visions -- allowed almost any line to be expanded to create a volume of its own. To join each thought and fantasy would be akin to knowing "how you would hold a moonbeam in your hand" -- and the beginning of knowing the whole of a person as only God can know her or him. Thank you for sharing your reflections in such a wonderful piece of work. Nicely done. Tristan
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| Comment By: Kelly on September 26, 2011 05:33:41 PM |
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Wonderful.. I love the use of metaphor in the rhetorical questions..
It gives a wonderful; free feeling tone to the poem.
Kelly_xX
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| Comment By: She Whispers on September 23, 2011 10:01:40 PM |
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What can I say as I read your heart on every verse...
This is just beautiful to read you have a very romantic heart...
HUgs ~ Scarlett
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| Comment By: e. Gene Myers on September 22, 2011 04:00:51 PM |
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WOW .... THAT HAS TO GO TO FAVORITES !!! I've never had this happen before. Usually a line or two in a person's poem will really speak to me, but in this poem EVERY line spoke with a shout. It was as though you were using my brain and memories to write your poem. It was just plain beautiful. Just so's you know, in June I went by my old climbing tree. I must have been nuts in my youth. I wouldn't even venture a try any more. And the "tunnel we used to crawl through is nothing more than a 20 inch pipe, if it's that big. No wonder why my mother about killed us when she saw what we had been crawling through. I'd have blistered my daughter's butts if they had ever done that.
the lines I liked most were ....
"The artist can lift a face out of the crowd. "
"What is love without the pain?
One will lose and one will gain.
What is love without the pain?
One will lose and one will gain."
"Behind is a tree with a heart and arrow that will forever be."
Loved it
Gene
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