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Author Name: FreeLost Child 9 Comments
Date Added: November 04, 2010 20:11:56 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Category: Broken Hearts Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
A Loving Death


I love you like I love death,
first kiss, last breath.
Sure, you’ll always be there,
lurking...
my friend.

Because we’re all dying by,
degrees,
every
day.
Death must come or life would be meaningless
You are apart of life.
Important of itself, never to be replaced
I will always have love for you,
philosophically speaking,
But I don’t want to be with you,
Until I'm 80 and alone.
And no one else wants me.

Him, I love like life.
not the dying, decaying, ending part.
but the part where everything is new
and bright. and all the neurons in my brain
are alive with the chemicals of “love”
before my body attacks itself and degrades,
leaving me crippled by a malfunction of what once was.
.

The problem is I haven’t found him yet,
I should start looking.
But first I have to tell you, we should see other people.
Author's Notes:

Ok, so I had this I idea and wanted to write an awesome, deep poem. Then I started writing, and realized I suck at this.
This isn’t actually for or inspired by a specific person, I was just diagnosed with MS recently and have been thinking. A lot. Due to lack of sleep. And steroids. 
<cartman> Whatever, I do what I want </cartman>
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeIan Valerio on August 27, 2013 01:31:42 AM Report

Wow!


Comment By: FreeAmy on November 23, 2010 03:32:38 PM Report
This is an amazing write, like all your poetry. You are one of my favourite authors, I wish I could write like you do. Your structure and word arrangement is a work of art in itself. Trust me, I know what it's like to hate what you create, but sometimes you need those feeling to realize how wrong you are in the end...and then use them to write more masterpieces :)

Keep writing...you're far too good at it to stop!

Comment By: FreeJose Noriega on November 22, 2010 07:02:26 AM Report
this poem is so brilliant... nice write :}
Comment By: Freeb doneff on November 16, 2010 06:59:03 AM Report
Rachel, this was recommended to me by a friend, and he was spot on in doing so. Listen, I write all the time, and nothing is perfect, we all start somewhere..but you, you start at a high point already. You have something quite powerful here, quite noteworthy and full of insight, wisdom and great sadness. You hit nerves, hit hearts, and when that happens, you do not "suck" at it, you shine having said it.
Shine on Rachel, no matter what your diagnosis is, it is allowing your creative side to come out. Please continue!
Barbie

Comment By: FreeCindy Bendel on November 14, 2010 12:58:20 PM Report
Rachel, 

Poetry of this caliber finds me drawing a breath.  A simply stunning write. 
Embrace the life you have, we all face the inevitability of dying every day, though we sometimes lie to ourselves about it, nonetheless, none of us really know when our last breath will be. You have been blessed with a creative and expressive soul! 
Please keep writing....for you inspire us all. 
Adding this to my favorites list, along with you as a fave author. 
~Cindy

Comment By: FreeAlison Storm Wolf on November 14, 2010 11:03:41 AM Report
Excellent poem that is written with skill so do not put yourself down. There is a saying that is very true "argue for your limitations and they are yours"
It is deep and meaningful and very apt in the circumstances that you describe. As far as the diagnoses goes I understand what it must mean to one so young to be given such devastating news. My family has a very strong history of MS and it is a very unpredictable illness, my uncle was diagnosed young and is now in his late 70's and still walking.
You need to 'see' yourself as healthy and fight against the understandable fear...
do keep writing not only are you actually very good but it will help tremendously
Alison x

Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on November 14, 2010 10:44:00 AM Report
p.s.
I love the structure of this poem. The opening, "I love you like I love death" and the portion that follows that shows the day to day uneventful and emotionally unsatisfying existence that life can be. With, "Him, I love like life"...shows an incredible contrast between that kind of existence and the euphoria of a life filled with love. The closing is strong and well constructed. You hold the reader's attention throughout this poem Rachel. Kudos to you! The only thing I suggest you give a bit of attention to is the title. Otherwise--you get a big thumbs UP!

~Barbara D.~  

Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on November 14, 2010 10:30:39 AM Report
You have succeeded in writing an awesome, deep poem. I can relate to this in a huge way. I totally understand how a diagnosis changes everything about how a person looks at the world, who they choose to interact with and how and especially who they pick for a partner. This is a fine piece of work that I will be saving as a favorite. I'm a really picky sort of person when it comes to poetry--I've read thousands of poems and will read thousands more so I know I CAN be fussy because there is are those who attempt to write but lack a certain something or a whole lot (I give them a lot of credit for trying.) and those who just seem to have it right out the gate. I haven't read any other poems written by you but based on this one I strongly encourage you to stick with it. GREAT poem...I love it!

~Barbara D.~ *saving another gem to her favorites today*

Comment By: PremiumDavid Turner on November 14, 2010 08:57:59 AM Report
Rachel, I am astonished that no one else has responded to this. What do you mean that you suck at this writing game. This is powerful and overwhelming, even without the author's comments. Please do not give up writing, do not give up life, start looking now, I am seeing you now. I see a shining young woman, a beautiful human being,  a great soul that will be loved all her life.

David





 


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