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Author Name: FreeBarbara D. 8 Comments
Date Added: October 27, 2010 04:10:06 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Unspecified
Category: General/Word Banks Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
An Arctic Soaking
The postman delivered a manila envelope
Weighted with the results of the paternity test
They made for a heavy morning
 
I shiver, unfold the pages
The news as frigid as an arctic soaking 
I just stood still, trapped in the downpour
 
Whoa, time, please apply the brakes
Hazy eyes, I beg you not to focus 
I scan the report, the walls close in 
 
My throat is tight, I draw dry air
My tongue parched in the desert of my mouth
Not only do I wail but start to reel
 
A hawk's screech takes me outdoors
Nature screams with me
This is wrong, wrong, wrong
 
The truth would dot the bottom of the last page
The mark of a criminal's lustful appetite
There should be no restaurant on Incest Street
 
I slump to the ground, weep violently 
As my body heaves a hand takes mine
It is her child as well
 
 
Author's Notes:
The underlined words in this poem were given to me by Gene (old guy). He extracted them from a poem he wrote and sent them to both Linda Jo and myself. It is really interesting to see how much the subject matter varies in each of these three poems. Thank you Gene! Linda Jo, your poem is awesome! A person never knows what a word bank will draw from them...how about giving it a try yourself! Have fun with it!
 
This poem is a work of fiction.
 
~Barbara D.~
 
heavy morning,   arctic soaking,   I just,   the results of,   only do I,   dot the bottom,   No restaurant on,   Whoa!,   hand takes mine,   her child as well,   I draw dry,   a hawk’s screech

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Comments:
Comment By: FreeChristhamF. on November 2, 2010 10:45:19 PM Report
powerful stuff.... TFS
Comment By: FreeAndrew on October 28, 2010 06:19:02 PM Report
remarkable the contrast between your work and linda jo's work with the same words.  both serve notice to the skills of two exceptional poets.  wonderful working here - can feel the apprehension, the tension, the realization - marvelous
Comment By: FreeLinda Jo on October 28, 2010 12:18:38 AM Report
amazing piece of writing, Barbara...you packed these words into a very emotional and unique setting.  I had a friend back some years ago who found out through a paternity test that the one who had entered her daughter's life and accepted responsibility for fatherhood...was not really the father.  shocking, just like the ending to this story.  very creative use of the words/phrases...power packed in just a few lines!
Comment By: TrialAnn on October 27, 2010 07:11:46 PM Report
This is just great! Nice job placing all those random phrases in just the right place. Love it!
Comment By: PremiumDavid Turner on October 27, 2010 05:54:26 PM Report
A great  effort here Barbara - shock at first until I realised it was an exercise:-)

I did think though that it would have worked better as a short story. I am a bit mixed about the story too - if I read it correctly it is about paedophilia  or brother and sister incest. A tough subject to handle or am I way off the mark?

David

Comment By: FreeJennifer on October 27, 2010 02:48:37 PM Report
whoa! Is right! you all have done such wonderful jobs writing this particular word bank.... These words seem so hard to place within a poem! Very creative and I am sure that  it took up some time writing and coming up with this poem.... That is my favorite feeling in the world. WHen My time is being taken up by something I enjoy. I enjoyed reading this poem and the others And I am still like, WHOA!
Jen

Comment By: FreeHenry M. on October 27, 2010 08:05:51 AM Report
Barbara, this is awesome! I love your take on this challenge. I took up the challenge too, I hope I did as well as you did.  Hugs,   Henry
Comment By: Freee. Gene Myers on October 27, 2010 05:27:50 AM Report
Whoa!    that is wild.  What an imagination.  Two lovers caught by their own passions only to be together when the final die is cast.  Neat poem.  Thanks for responding.
Gene

I sent the word bank to about 7 people to see the different word bank
poems each individual poet would write using the same words.   The results are
astounding.  So far I've gotten .... 
"Early Morning Wonders"  (my original poem where the words came from)  Ok so I cheated  sue me.
"Raining Joyful Tears" ... by Linda Jo
"Rust People" ... by Travis
and now this one
Thanks people





 


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