Her Body Washed up upon The Shore
The sun had finally broken through the clouds on
a quiet Sunday morning. The river was still flowing rapidly
swollen from a week of torrential downpours. The sun glistened
on the water and the birds sang in joyous celebration.
People began to gather by the park at the rivers
edge. Blue and red lights flashing but no sirens broke
the eerie silence that had just developed. Men in uniforms
walked carefully around placing bright orange cones and putting yellow tape
tied to blue police barricades. It was just past 6:30 am and morning
walkers and joggers began to create quite a crowd.
It was a strange sensation that overcame me.
I felt I had to get a closer look, as if the scene was calling to me.
As I made my way through the crowd I was trying to recall the events from
the week before. Bothered by the fact that I couldn't recall the last
couple of days events. Again my curiosity pushed away those
thoughts as I heard voices whispering. "I think it's a woman"
one jogger said to an elderly couple walking a dog. I asked did you see
her?", but the man acted as if he didn't hear what I had said.
The couple replied "her body washed up upon
the shore." Again I asked does anyone know who she is?", yet
again there was no response. I began to become a little irritated, it was
as if I wasn't standing right there.
As I continued to make my way through the now
large crowd with ease, my thoughts drifted to my activities over the
past couple of days. I remembered having a
terrible argument with my husband about finances, it was quite
ridiculous. I just wanted a cheap pair of sandles for the summer and some
hair coloring. I only needed about $25.00 but I was told we didn't have
the extra money to spend so foolishly.
Over the past year our relationship had become
very tenuous and I was certain once I started my new job that I would
be able to support myself and I could eventually leave him before he left me
like he's been promising. I remember two days in my life perfectly they
play over and over again in my head like a movie.
The day we got married and the look of worry in
his eyes. I didn't want to know but I had to ask. He stated he
still had feeling for his ex-wife and would always love her. On our
wedding day these were his thoughts. I asked "Do you love me?",
"yes" he replied. "Do you still want to marry me?" I
questioned. Again he said yes. I then confessed my love for him and
we got ready for the first day of the rest of our lives together.
My thoughts came back to the present moment when
I heard someone say "I see her!" I pushed by and
was surprised to see I was passed the yellow tape and the police
No one seemed to noticed me as I made my way
closer to the patrol cars. I noticed a pair of sandles, they were black
with gold beads, just like the ones I wanted to buy.
I found my thoughts wandering back to the last
conversation we had, it was just, I just really wanted those shoes. I
just want to treat myself to something nice for a change. But no,
everything was about money, what we could and what we couldn't afford. Yet he
still sent money home to his family.
I thought... I just thought didn't I matter? No
I didn't matter, I never mattered, I wasn't important. Even though he
said he loved us the same. He didn't love me, he never really loved me.
The second movie that played over again in my
head but more frequently than the first, came to me. The scene begins
with me sitting on the couch after dinner one evening having a cup of tea.
He stated he needed to talk. I remember how the tea made me feel,
warm, calm and relaxed. He said he has to go home to take care of his
ex-wife. I said for how long, a couple of days, weeks, months. He
said, "No I have to go and I'm not coming back."
At first I didn’t cry, I was shocked
and asked, “What do you mean?” He
replied, “Well she took care of the kids while I was away working and she needs
me and I wasn’t there for her.”
“Well what about me, didn’t you want
to marry me? When we got married I thought
it was forever. “ He said, he had to go
then he started to cry. I was angry but
I couldn’t express it, I was so hurt, so heartbroken. The images kept coming and coming of the
words expressed back in forth, of me pleading for him to stay and him saying he’s
I should have said if you’re really
sorry you won’t go, but I couldn’t. I
just asked, “So did you ever love me?
The answer I got was, “ I still love you and I love you both the same,
but she needs me.”
I just could believe it, I just couldn’t
understand, he’s leaving me. As I stood amongst
the crowd all these emotions came flooding back to me. I asked when and he stated in a couple of
years as soon as He could save enough money.
“What do you mean in a couple of years, I don’t understand.” As I sobbed and sobbed he held me.
That night we went to bed side by side
and we sobbed and we both cried ourselves to sleep, still in each others
arms. I was so grateful that he was
still there, yet so heartbroken that he would always be there.
A real sorrow encompassed me as I
stood there thinking about that evening and our conversation over a cup of tea,
back to those stupid pair of shoes that I really wanted. Does it really matter; it’s only a pair of
As I came closer, I couldn’t see her
face but something looked very familiar about her. I just didn’t know what it
was.As they placed her an a gurney, her head rolled, she had red hair and hazel
eyes were wide open. It was as if I were
looking in a mirror. Then I realized it
was my body that washed upon the shore.