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Author Name: Freebluefish 3 Comments
Date Added: June 29, 2010 22:06:23 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Category: Inspirational Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
Persona’s Bicycle

 

Persona’s  Bicycle

 

sometimes

writing a story is like

pushing

a old car up a hill.

 

you reach a spot where

stories reach their zenith

collapsing into  closure

as you can coast

 in your late model  ideas

gravity defines

its own  explications

and you

are just along for the ride .

 

 

struggle

as the worlds fly in the sky

of your imagination.

pigeons  that bring

their own messages.

sentences to cycle around--

over curbs that crumble

into the simplest verbs.

 

the curving handlebar of your metaphor

is sometimes a bike

to peddle the streets  of paragraphs

where the subconscious flows

down gutters of normality

and leaves of old trees are

found at the end of chapters.

 

a vehicle to meet

the child within

that has never

reached  the desert  of forgetfulness

becomes a landscape

with no secret map to escape from

 

 

child heart

 is hidden behind

the voice

you leave in the corners of ink

like the trail of a tire

through

a collection raindrops..

Author's Notes:

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'Persona’s Bicycle' Copyright © Andrew Rymill
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeWide Awake on February 3, 2011 11:34:12 AM Report


Hello again, Andrew, :o)



This poem…Persona’s Bicycle…is just so full of wisdom that I cannot let it go with just one comment.  I have been pondering and re-reading it, and discussing it with my son.  Actually I have been reading some of your poems to Jordi and Tabitha and they have been getting a kick out of them. :o)  Tabitha really enjoyed "Poet’s must clean up after unicorns” :o)….AGAIN…SHE CLAMORS…AGAIN! LOL…



This poem has inspired me to be more daring in my writes…and has challenged me to raise my bar of standards.  I am now wrestling with metaphors :o)



The strange thing that makes me comment again is an observation I realized this morning…Is the role reversal not strange?  The adult in the model T car is usually the one we put in control…but you’re right…in poetry, it is the inner child who should be in control!…That’s not strange in itself…what’s strange to me, is the notion of a child toiling and struggling so hard…BUT I SAY THAT ONLY BECAUSE I FORGET WHAT IT IS TO BE A CHILD…so I guess this is telling me that once we fall into the restrictive pit of adulthood, that it is nothing less than a tooth and claw climb to get back out and live in the sunshine of being a child again…truly and fully.  It’s not that easy to step back into the size 2 shoes again :o)



Thanks for bringing about the struggle to do so!



Here’s an offspring of my attempts…kinda cute…it’s a start…baby step in the right direction I think…a little light and fluffy for my taste, but…I’m hopeful that I will improve…:o)




 



AN AFTER-SCHOOL SNACK




 



I swallowed a chapter

of God’s Holy Book:




 



And squeezed myself

into a red pinstripe suit.






And after my fingers

coaxed a few buttons,



The Spirit proceeded

to make ripe the fruit.



Not three minutes later

the notions had grown!



My red paper waistline

was now overblown!





The seeds all expanded.



…I added some salt…



and served up a bowl

still popping and hot.



Hugs~

Pamela







 


Comment By: FreeWide Awake on February 1, 2011 05:54:52 PM Report


This is a fine poem!…excellent example of how the poet should weild the metaphor~




 



And it is lovely how you managed to take your own advice here, Andrew…I just saw a whole new side of you.  I like it :o) (The first two stanzas)



You’re so right though…your poems inherently challenge me to improve my skills.



I find that I am often immediately moved to do so after reading one of your poems, for your strivings reap awesome results.



I find it nigh impossible to do that truly, though, in the ‘space challenged’ boxes of poetry form we place ourselves in.  The lovliest ribbons around it do not make the dull same-old ways any better than they were before.



I tried this in another way, with the Lord, recently…I prayed that He help me inject some heart, even romantic feelings, into a poem that would glorify Him, for I find the emotions that love and romance bring about, tends to write a good poem…and He did! :o)  I wrote Halle Holy Hebrew God…and I like it. :o)



Thanks for your good advice :o)  And thanks for the glimpse into another side of you…:o) …nice to slip into your shoes…but never expected to see you walk in mine!  Cool! lol



Hugs~

Pamela




Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on July 18, 2010 11:26:11 AM Report
As always you write with great wisdom...I SO ENJOYED THIS POEM...




 


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