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Author Name: FreeRaspberry Ice Nymph 7 Comments
Date Added: June 15, 2010 20:06:28 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Category: Broken Hearts Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
Amity
Bathing in your tender words,
bubbles sweet with your essence.
Rub my skin with oils of faith,
soon were evanescence.

Blanket of soft enchantment,
woven threads of promised love.
Colored with ardent passion,
disappeared to soon thereof .

Slipping in a bed of devotion,
secure pillow of fidelity.
Satin sheets of deep desire,
Gifted only amity.
Author's Notes:
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeAlfred Berggren on July 31, 2010 11:01:30 AM Report

A very creative way of expressing your broken heart by a word picture of taking a bath and going to bed. Nice quatrains with lines 2 and 4 rhyming.


Comment By: FreeTristan on June 22, 2010 12:14:58 AM Report
Melody:  Often friendship is enough... sometimes it isn't -- especially when beds of devotion, pillows of fidelity and satin sheets of desire -- all impassioned pleas for unconditional love -- have been sacrificed on the alter of a friendship.  Your imagery is beautiful in its sadness... but seems to neglect the heart's response to being broken...  where are the tears?  Does that come next?    Tristan
Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on June 16, 2010 07:47:08 PM Report
To me this reads like lovers that are now only friends. "Rub my skin with oils of faith"...great line! Although this is a "broken hearts" post I feel it is a bittersweet ending...for these lines still hold a spark of love within them. Just what I feel Melody...lovely poem.

~Barbara~ 

Comment By: Freeviv brady on June 16, 2010 05:27:14 AM Report
some truely wonderful lines and the overall idea is brilliant but the thought process is a little disjointed. esp the last stanza which speaks of devotion and fidelity (products of a lasting relationship) desire (transient) and finally that only friendship is offered? ..."rub my skin with oils of faith" though. that is a sublime line. has potential for greatness
Comment By: PremiumJoe McNinney on June 15, 2010 09:25:18 PM Report
Passion and love! NICE! Joe
Comment By: FreeMoonStar on June 15, 2010 08:49:32 PM Report
Oh sweet one this was fab writing here, you know? You my dear, are one talented gal, and I am deeply honored to be able to have that chance to see the miracle you call words, come across the page..  

 

Hugs to ya,

Moonie xx

Comment By: FreeAndrew on June 15, 2010 08:45:24 PM Report
wonderful words woven into a sublime story, ms chilly berry - i'm particularly fond of your closing stanza - you have the gift and i'm glad you see fit to share it.




 


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