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Author Name: FreeTristan 8 Comments
Date Added: June 01, 2010 10:06:36 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Free Verse
Category: Philosophy Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
Life Cries
 
 
Life Cries

 
Mountains tremble; with apparent weakness

they struggle to interrupt the splendor

of intruding dawn. With the peacefulness

of the coming day, giant forests roar

in utter agony as they refrain

from slightly swaying in the gentle breeze.

A heart once loved by Nature's eyes was slain.

She offered it herself against all pleas.

Her extended trembling hand, can't you see,

was driven into a world of sadness?

Stricken by pain... her only choice -- to flee

down a road of wandering loneliness.

Cries slip softly among unseen tears --

too softly to be heard by confused ears.

 

 

Author's Notes:
Free style poem with 10-syllable lines and Shakespearean rhyme scheme. Metric accents attempt to accommodate the prosaic style, high-lighting important thoughts and words.  The story is a sad recount of the self-inflicted death of a young woman who took her life because she did not feel accepted among her family and peers.  Her name was Amanda.
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Comments:
Comment By: FreePamela A. Lamppa on July 26, 2010 10:17:24 PM Report
Nice.  I like this idea.  I wonder if putting this into prose format would make the 10 syllable count and rhyme scheme even that much more appealing to the mouth when read and to the ears when heard?  This sings beautifully read aloud.  I enjoyed it very much. ~Pamela
Comment By: PremiumHOPE on July 24, 2010 07:39:31 PM Report
Tristan

What a beautiful poem you are truly a gifted writer.  Struggling with this issue myself learning there are other options but while experiencing such torment it is hard to see anything else.  There is no blame to place on "confused ears" for it is always the individual's choice and often nothing could have been done to change the mind of a broken soul.

Tina

Comment By: FreeCindy Bendel on July 24, 2010 08:36:53 AM Report
Suicide is sometimes the soul's way of dealing with unimaginable agony. Unless you have been to that place it is easy to say it is not your only choice. There is so much more going on in the heart, mind and soul, to even begin to reason it all out. I have lost someone to suicide and it is shattering.  I dare not find the easy answer and say in judgement they had other choices. Obviously, there are other choices, but to those lost in this despairing state, there seems no other answer, even in the midst of treatment, love and support. Suicide is violent, agonizing and perplexing. Surely, not the way we want it to be for anyone. Tragic and sad, but written with great insight into the nature of a tortured being. 
~C.

Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on June 17, 2010 04:21:46 PM Report
I am more prone to an emotional response so I shall say...suicide is not ones only choice...ever. The title "Life Cries" kept repeating in my head and clashing with "Death Calls". Undertones of sadness rumble throughout this poem--they leave me blue. Nice work!

~Barbara~ 

Comment By: FreeTanya Harrison on June 1, 2010 03:33:52 PM Report

Very beautiful Tristan.  Bravo!  I enjoyed it a lot.


Comment By: FreeThe Bag Lady on June 1, 2010 02:37:13 PM Report
Interesting rhyme scheme, Tristan....Many times attempted, but not followed through....I shall give it a go again....This was good reading!
Margaret......

Comment By: FreeAdri on June 1, 2010 10:58:23 AM Report

Again, a masterful and exquisite write Tristan. I love the metaphor you use, and the similarity’s you draw. I agree fully with Lady D, Please continue with you brilliant writes!
Adri x


 


Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on June 1, 2010 10:47:04 AM Report
Tristan:  this is a lovely write -- so full of Nature references.  But also sad --

You are such a masterful writer.  Please continue to grace us with your magic...

 

Lady D





 


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