This monster in me comes out at random times.
It has different eyes even a different voice.
The anger it brings kills every good intention or thought I ever had.
Nothing I break makes it go away.
No cut is deep enough.
I can't cut it out.
An ongoing battle deep inside me.
It used to protect me and now it has even turned on me.
No pill will make it better, no amount of drugs kills it.
The screams from deep inside can't even reach the surface.
Blood red tears drip down my arm.
As if my skin alone is crying out for help.
Words etched into one's body hoping to dull the rage inside.
Jaw clentching rage that makes me want to ruin everyone and everything.
It was caged for over a year and now the door is open.
Running from it only makes the rage more intense.
Sunlight seems to be the only thing that calms it for a period of time.
A short time that feels like heaven.
In the darkness alone in one's mind there's a monster.
Hoping to find my last ray of sunlight.
It will eventually kill me unless something changes.
Grief and sorrow.
Loneliness is starting to wear on me.
Don't want to repeat those four years of darkness.
Seems I'm on the same path to it though.
Don't know what to do.
Just can't wait till this life is through.
I'm a monster.
A shadow of a once bright light.
A person who was filled with hope and joy.
Someone who loved and felt love.
Now there's nothing to feel.