The spirit is still willing
And the longing still there
But to join our bodies is scarce
And the source of recurring despair.
So to the book shop I go and
Slink down the self-help aisle.
In search for fire to be found on paper.
Finding it, I stop and shop for a while.
“The Joys of the Kama Sutra”
Is the tempting title of this work.
Drawn in by vivid pictures,
I feel I’ll soon go berserk.
Thirty-nine ninety-five says the tag
But it’s really not too high a price.
So I flex my trusty red plastic card
And rush home to indulge a new vice.
“The Kama Sutra offers all manner of challenging positions
That give both partners a dual responsibility for
Equal satisfaction. Explore them and
Find out for yourself.”
So after dinner, wine and hot tub
To my love, my thoughts I then broach.
A glint in her eye, her surprise is most surprising
But she gives me no reproach.
Still she says she’s feeling so relaxed.
In fact she’s most receptive.
“Put that book away now” she says
“And go get the contraceptive.”
Not so fast my love, time to take it slow
Much thought (and cash) invested.
There must be something to this art of love.
Each theory must be tested!
The Kshudgaga Position
“She sits with raised thighs,
Her feet placed either side of your waist;
Linga enters Yoni;
You rain hard blows on her body.”
So off we go, crawl onto my lap
And that goes there – please don’t hustle.
But wait, I don’t think that is quite right.
My God, did you pull a muscle?
Well, that didn’t work, let’s try again
Maybe I need to slow down.
And I rifle through the shiny pages
Hmmm, standing up? Don’t want to look the clown.
The Dvitala Position
“If you lean back to a wall
And she, clinging to your neck,
Places both feet in your palms
And thus makes love.”
Wait a sec, can folks do that?
It seems a bit demanding.
But hey, there’s color picture there
And yeah, they both are standing.
Try we do, but then something else snaps
And my motions grow pathetic.
Back to the book – let’s try behind
For this ones for lovers athletic.
The Gardabha Position
“When, with lotus feet
Set well apart, she bends
Placing a hand upon each thigh
And you take her from behind.”
Okay, this seems more manageable and
Now all things come alive.
But there she bends at five-foot-two
While I stand six-foot-five!
But undeterred I must push on
So back to the book I go.
There’s lots with me atop it seems.
Maybe that goes with the flow.
The Uthkanta Position
“Lift the lady’s feet until her soles
Lie perfectly parallel,
One to each side of her slender throat,
Cup and enjoy her.”
What this mean? Each side of her throat?
Do I love her or her neck strangle?
I look back at the book and scratch my head.
I don’t think that’s a possible angle.
Then a hear a soft sigh, my eyes up from the book
There she lays, the sheets in a heap.
Oh crap, I’ve gone and done it again.
My lady is fast asleep.