All my life I wondered where you were.
I searched, as they say, high and low
to no avail. Well, little avail;
I found you, in part, in various places.
One spring, when the snow was slow to melt
and that sharp chill clung, the hyacinth peeked out.
He brushed away the snow and glowed from within
as he showed me the sweet pink surviving the cold.
My blood surged and my breath caught.
In that moment, I thought he was you.
And that night in Pueblo when the band stayed overtime
and we danced till dawn. There you were. In part.
There was a book of poetry; exquisite, sensual, personal.
I saw you in it. And lying on the sandy beach,
the sun hot on my body, the breeze off the ocean
blew so intimately that it felt like your breath on my skin.
I saw you sometimes in a sunrise.
And when the sun sank low over the mountains
you were there. And when the mighty ocean roared
I felt so close to you that I resisted wiping the spray
from my face for fear of brushing away your kiss.
Sometimes I longed for you so that it took my breath away.
And sometimes whoever bought the Scotch became you for a night.
But always in part. Never were you here in your entirety.
Always there was that vague discontent.
Something indefinable but vital was missing.
Till that Christmas. Suddenly, there you were;
that one who had haunted my dreams.
From that moment, all fell into place. No more parts.
We were one perfect whole. Meant to be.
And, though our time was short, it was magnificent.
Now they tell me that it is better to have loved and lost
than not to have loved at all. I say, I doubt the wisdom of that.
I never knew the pain, before I loved you,
that I've known since I lost you. On the other hand,
I loved you long before I knew you, long before I saw you.
I loved what you were, or what I imagined you were.
And so, if you don't love me anymore, so what?
You didn't love me most of my life.
How much can it matter whether you love me? Or loved me?
While you were here, you were everything I ever wanted.
What really matters is that I loved you. Love you.
For a season, my life was perfect.
I'm not sure everyone can say that.