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Author Name: Freeborderline_mary 1 Comments
Date Added: December 23, 2008 05:12:46 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Rhyming
Category: Sonnet Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
A Week Before
Before you left,‭ ‬you handed me a rose,
A kiss―a promise―falling from your lips:
A memory my pain could not eclipse,
The last I had of you before you froze.
I can't escape you fully,‭ ‬I suppose‭;
But now I catch myself before it slips,
And keep it down where I can come to grips
With even knowing lies were what you chose.
I wonder if you loved me in your sleep,
When all of your pretense was stripped away‭―
If nothing but my touch was there to find,
Or if, within your heart, you ‬buried deep
What splintered my last dreams to hear you say:
That I was something better left behind.
Author's Notes:
Thanks for the advice, Tristan!  I hope it flows better now.
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'A Week Before' Copyright © Jessica Ruth Myr
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeTristan on April 18, 2010 10:26:28 AM Report
A very beautiffuly written, intriguing and passionate poem.  The flow, rhymes, rhythm, etc. were very well attended accept maybe a bit of an iambics problem in line 12... maybe something like "Or knowing in your heart was buried deep-- what splintered my last dreams to hear you say: ... na Na' na Na'... or whatever to gain a little iamb lost.  This poem is one of the best sonnets I've read on the site in content, attention to detail, reflection, personal expression, word choices... all that it takes to rise above the level of medicrity and soar with the artistic eagles.  I don't think you're a borderline exceptionally talented poet, Mary -- I think you've already arrived.  Great job.  Tristan




 


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