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Author Name: Freeredsea_greysky 4 Comments
Date Added: November 19, 2008 18:11:26 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Unspecified
Category: Love Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
Tracks

Girl: 

 

Thereís a hiss released as the train starts;

A hiss thatís echoed in our hearts.

Tension and pain melt like wax,

And are shuttled hurriedly down the tracks.

 

Guy:

 

My fears were confirmed

When she departed;

Weeks, months, years

Before we started.
Her tracks were lain;
I know she didn't choose,
But she should have stayed,
And taken my abuse.

Tear-stained lips left such a taste;

And I remained alone to face

Life, through grey eyes.

How can you move?

How can you rise,

When all is grey,

From grass to skies?

Why did she try to advise

Me, through eyes that were disguised;

But I was able to read the lies

Of her hollow and false goodbyes.

But let me revise

And surmise, despite my concerns,

Why it is she now returns.

 

Girl:

 

I left him, sadly, but I had no choice.

I only hope he will rejoice,

When he holds me once more and whispers low,

ďI love you and will not let you go.Ē

 

Guy:

 

My breath freezes in the air,

And it pleases me when Iím aware;

But if you donít mind, please allow

Me to share a metaphor about how

My breath believes it is free to roam;

For it thinks it has no home;

But even now I see it fade,

As it realizes it should have stayed.

It made

A poor decision.

As it disappears

From my vision,

I feel betrayed

By its derision.

Like the jade

That left me cold,

Telling me her scene

Had grown old.

But she was keen

And learned to fold;

Returning now,

So I can hold

Her and tell her this,

Through the trainís moan and hiss,

ďI have not missed you, not one kiss.Ē

 

Girl:

 

My train will follow only these rails,

Which are held fast by iron nails.

All itís life itís had no choice,

Itís been stifled quietly, it has no voice.

 

Guy:

 

Return to me love,

I ask you kindly.

You left me love,

You did so blindly.

Finally

The hour

Is near;

When you will learn

To cower

In fear.

Tear-stained cheeks, like those you gave

Will be returned to you my knave.

The scene is grave;

I will be brave,

Since when I see her,

I must behave.

 

Girl:

 

Tracks lay rigid, directing me.

Are they connecting or dissecting me?

Must I submit to their will,

While the power to choose lies in me still?

 

Guy:

 

I hear the train a-cominí,

Itís rollin down the bend;

And I ainít seen the sunshine

Since my little friend

Left me and tried to pretend

I wasnít bereft

By her theft;

But I am deft,

Or is it daft?

Weíll see who was the last

To have laughed.

For my craft

Is fast;

And I will cast

Her aside.

And not leave

Till Iíve seen her cry.

 

Girl:

 

Whatís the best decision of your life?

Was it marrying that girl, making her your wife?

Or was it starting that business, opening that shop?

Mine was simply choosing the wrong stop.

Author's Notes:
Here's the short film I made for it:
 
 
Let me know what you think!
Report Offensive Poem.

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Comments:
Comment By: FreeA.P. on December 9, 2008 05:42:09 PM Report
pretty cool.
i loved the camera shots, the black/white versus colour, the blurring, fast sequences of shots. and the music was appropriate for the mood...great ending as well.
nicely done.

Comment By: FreeRachel on December 9, 2008 04:44:57 PM Report
Ok I commented on the poem, now for the video.....................................

I love it! I've watched it like 5 times already, and I'm gladly going to watch it more. Its an excellent video from an excellent poem. = ) Wonderfully done, I love the music and the fact that it was snowing and you were smoking really brought out the feeling of the poem well in the video, it is definitely on the top of my favorites list.

Comment By: FreeRachel on November 22, 2008 04:16:51 PM Report

I agree I think this would make a great 5 minute film. I love the characters, and the use of the train tracks and all the metaphors. I think this is brilliant, def. one of my favorite poems.


Comment By: PremiumRaymond Pinsonneault on November 19, 2008 07:14:32 PM Report
Great material for a fiver..should get beautiful results with the imagery..let me know or see..love it..go for it





 


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