Today Is: Tuesday, December 01, 2020 01:20 AM. Our Topic of the Week: Pumpkin Spice
Questions?

Check our Help area first!

Comments? Suggestions?

Contact us now!

We like hearing feedback from members on how to improve the site!
 
 
 


 
Author Name: Freetsiamis 5 Comments
Date Added: January 14, 2008 09:01:15 Average Score: (Needs 2)
Views This Week
Members: 0
Unique Members: 0
Guests: 222
Total Views
Members: 45
Unique Members: 10
Guests: 742

Type: Unspecified
Category: General Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
Empire of Ruin

I built an empire for her

and watched in disbelief

her mutiny take hold.

She kissed tenderly lips not mine

and tossed a coin to us

a stupid game of chance

wagering everything I built

and we once stood proud in.

The silver streets were dyed with golden light,

not lamps from the night before

Golden fire scattered like corn to the streets

we must of looked like a solitary burning star

fallen to the dark earth.

 

In the morning I survey the smoky ruin

and my smile rises with the soot

into oblivion

And I remember building a path

to this heap of ash

Each stone I laid with striving hands

And never did she accompany me

to the quarry, or whip the ox to

pull a cart, or carry me home

when the ruthless day conquered me,

No, she just stood there under her giant oafish hat

and watched in amusement,

Shielded from the sun she was as cool

as autumn breeze,

I as hot as desert sand

And nothing in-between.

This morning as I saw her blackened back

disappearing into the distance

I sat down on this empire of hot rubble

and played a game of chance

A toss of a coin to the still wind.

Author's Notes:
Report Offensive Poem.

'Empire of Ruin' Copyright © T. G. T
Copyright is property of the above author or group. Reproduction in whole or in part is strictly prohibited.
Click here if you feel this poem is in violation of a copyright.
 
Click here to send this poem to someone!

Comments:
Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on January 15, 2008 10:12:33 PM Report
Love the changes Tim! =)) I look forward to more of your fine work.

 

~Barbara~

Comment By: FreeFilthy on January 15, 2008 05:11:49 PM Report
I'm glad i stumbled on this. Exceptional write mate, and off to my faves.
Comment By: FreeShe Whispers on January 14, 2008 11:37:17 PM Report
Wow...I just am blown away...  your really very good at this type of poem.... you say so much....
~ She Whispers

Comment By: FreeBarbara Demasson on January 14, 2008 09:36:48 PM Report
Fabulous Tim! The second stanza was especially brilliant. I questioned the opening line being the same as the title. I decided if I had to choose between the two it would be the title that I'd change. (Consider: "Empire of Ruin")

 

I really LOVE the first two lines of the second stanza! I can envision the smile going up with the ash...how true of happiness in circumstances like this.

 

"self-inflicted annihilation"...ahh, is it really? Seems her character is certainly less than admirable, she wasn't in it from the foundation up. It seems she bears the guilt of inflicting ruination of the relationship. I'd be happy to see her blackened back as she walked away. I suspect if you looked deep enough you would see her hear was charred from the beginning. This is likely a creative piece that isn't based on your life at all and here I am going on about it. =)) (Forgive me)

 

The use of the coin was clever and I appreciate that you used it to unify the two stanzas. The way you have used it has spoken volumes in both stanzas. You have pulled the poem together wonderfully.

 

Be careful of use of person here, you have used "you" in the first stanza and "she" in the second. Choose one or the other.

 

Your talent shines here Tim...as always. Reading your work is a pleasure. Fine penning! The quality of your work surpasses most of the many here. BRAVO!

 

~Barbara~

Comment By: FreeShruti on January 14, 2008 09:45:48 AM Report
One of your best. I'm too zapped to say much (exam time does that I think), but you should know this has a dismissive profound ease about it that most poems only strive to get.




 


Check for Announcements.
on our Home page!

User poems are sometimes graced by images and textures stored on our site
courtesy of GRSites.com, Sandy Hradil, and Sherri Emily.


Welcome, Guest!

Become part of our
friendly community
of on-line writers!

Join today!
 
Username:
 
Password:
 
Forget Username or Password?

Members On Line: 0
Guests On Line: 99
Members in Chat: 1


Happy Birthday

Catriona Abrahams (59)

 
We Thank You!

For your donations
and subscriptions!

Creative-Poems.com
P.O. Box 7931
The Woodlands, TX 77387

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
monovalent-defence
Copyright © 2003-2017 Creative-Poems.com.  All Rights Reserved. Use of this site is subject to certain
Terms of Service rules which constitute a legal agreement between you and Creative-Poems.com.
By providing links to other sites, Creative-Poems.com neither approves of, endorses, or gurantees
any information, opinions, or products found on those sites. Users follow links at their own risk.