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Author Name: FreeCajuncrown 10 Comments
Date Added: February 03, 2007 21:02:31 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Unspecified
Category: Sonnet Add To Favorites Listen To Poem | Text Only
 
Without You

Without you standing close to me
  I'm alone in a crowded room
Without your kiss, so soft and sweet
  A cold darkness begins to loom.

Without your smile to shine so bright
  These shadows envelop my heart
Without your presence overnight
  Scents on your pillow doth depart

Without your laugh to fill the air
  The beautiful Lark has no muse
Without your touch, gentle and fair
  Another's hand I must refuse

This life I must live without you
I bid you peace, Love, and adieu

Author's Notes:
Shakespearean (English) Sonnet written in iambic tetrameter.
 
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeTristan on April 16, 2010 11:26:08 AM Report
A beautiful poem to be sure.  The cohesion of thought with well-chosen rhymes make the love story very believable. I wondered if the iamics in line 2 might be off a bit -- maybe a change to "Alone I stand (or weep, etc.) in crowded room" or "a lonely heart in crowded room"  etc. might get the na Na' na Na' na Na' na Na' back in line.  Line 5 has the same sort of problem: maybe it could read something like "the shadows shroud (fall, borne, etc.) within my heart" or whatever...  Line 10:   "The wondrous Lark sings with no muse" and Line 13 "In life I live there is no you".  I hope this helps your beautiful thought-filled verses. I always check myself several times but I change so many things I miss the iambics all the time.  The tetrameter's syllable count and flow of the rest of the poem is exquisite.  Your heroic couplet at the end is great with the change, and with the other minor changes, Hallmark will probably want this one.  Take care.  Tristan

 

P.S. I'm new here and I just read all the great reviews below after I wrote mine.  I still beleive what I wrote to be true in every way.  Its a great poem, but iambs are a metrical foot of two syllables, the first without the accent and the second with it.  An example of iambic pentameter: "to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."

Comment By: FreeVernetta L. on April 16, 2009 01:15:57 PM Report
I loved this poem!

Comment By: FreeLita Verella on February 10, 2009 01:33:34 PM Report
Lovely Sonnet. Congrats on the award that you had received for it.
Comment By: FreeAngel on November 12, 2008 04:12:37 PM Report
Another beautiful write. Congrats on the award well deserved.

 

Love Angelxx

Comment By: FreePamela A. Lamppa on November 29, 2007 04:25:30 PM Report
Lovely sonnet, excellent in iambic tetrameter, and the meter is good too.

Nice work.  Congratulations on your award.  Well done. :o) ~Pamela

Comment By: FreeLady Literary on March 15, 2007 03:23:28 PM Report
Congrats on winning a featured. Very lovely indeed.

Lit

Comment By: FreeAdri on March 12, 2007 01:29:35 AM Report
Congratulation on winning the feature poem award for this!  Just beautiful!! 
Adri x

Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on March 11, 2007 06:52:28 PM Report
Roger:  very nice work and congratulations on your Feature Poem Award.

 

Lady Dragonwyck

Comment By: FreeAngel on February 6, 2007 05:26:46 AM Report
Wonderful sonnet

 

Love Angelxx

Comment By: FreeSilkinTears on February 4, 2007 12:44:57 AM Report
Really sweet Roger. Too bad I have no audio at the moment.

Helen





 


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