Compared to me Al Bundy lives like a king.
I made a big mistake when I gave my wife her engagement ring.
She's given birth six times and each time she had twins.
I'd rather have my wiener cut off than to become a dad again.
My wife weighs five hundred pounds and the groceries cost five hundred dollars a week.
I dread the future because it's bound to get more bleak.
Four of my kids are thugs and three of them are nerds.
One of them drinks out of the toilet and today he swallowed a turd.
My house hasn't been cleaned in five years and it smells just like a sewer.
I'm upset because my wife is horny and wants me to do her.
If you want to improve my life, I'll tell you how.
Get a gun and put me out of my misery now.