I'm sitting here just thinking about my childhood days.
Sometimes wishing things had been many different ways.
All the sad memories sitting in the corners of my mind.
My childhood was not pleasant and good memories hard to find.
Many times the belt I felt stinging across my back.
Love and hugs my mind does not see as I flashback.
I always tried to be very good yet never could I please.
Your expectations were very high no room for mercies.
Disipline should never be something that brings pain.
from this there is nothing learned and nothing to gain.
The belt was something always used even when I thought I was being good.
so therfore many times as I hurt, I never understood.
I never held this against you, even though I never knew
the story of your childhood what you had suffered through.
Then one day you told me, the story of your life.
How your father abandend you, how he left your mother, his wife.
You couldn't really remember since you were only two.
Eyes now watered, as you continued to tell me what you had been through.
A stranger entered into your life, your father he became.
he never loved you as he should, since you did not bear his name.
There was no love or kindness this you did not see.
This new father that you gained, treated you quite coldly.
School was something not for you since work had to be done.
You became the farmhand as you were the stepson.
You talked about how you were very young the things you had to do.
Such a young boy you were, how there was no-one there for you.
You told me how at nine years old you had to watch the sheep.
How you woke up very early, how in the pasture you fell asleep.
This made your father angy and he beat you half to death.
He tore your skin and as you lay and bled, this you thought would be your last breath.
Your mother tried to protect you, then she would feel his harsh hand.
and as you told your story, I slowly began to understand.
Your world was harsh and very cruel, so much hurt, a childhood lost .
As I listened, I heard how this was a very painful cost.
Listening so intensely, my heart now bled for you.
I understood what you had done was the best that you could do.
Your way of disciplining us was mild in comparison to your's.
You did the best that you knew how your pain was now your curse.
I started to see another man much better than you should have been.
What you went through, your torturous past, how you were able to find any love within.
I saw your kind heart and all your pain, how loving you truly are.
I admire your streangh, your true desire to become a better father than him by far.
You did the best you ever could, I truly understand.
You never saw how much pain you caused with the way you played your hand.
I have never had a conversation, or told you of my pain.
I don't think there's a reason, if there is nothing to gain.
I've forgiven you my father, there's no reason to go back
to painful moments in our lives that you will only see as an attack.
You tried your very best, that I know for sure.
So even though you belted us for this there is no cure.
You were never heartless, or cruel, as your father had been.
You've gone through much pain, you're definatly not thin skinned.
You worked real hard to pay the bills, your wife, you took good care.
you loved us in the way you could, so there's no point talking about what's fair
So now your 80, many years have passed, I have love for you.
Through understanding who you are, I respect you.
Yes I think if you knew how, you surely would have done much better.
Now I'm very pleased to know that what you wanted most was to be a great father.