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Author Name: TrialAnn 3 Comments
Date Added: December 28, 2006 00:12:54 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Reinventing the Wheel
stiletto sound of ice
collapsing within glass
absent of buoyancy
gives a subliminal reminder
of desert like thirst
unable to be quenched
by taste of liquid

rather its voice
is merely substitution
for the necessary
transference becomes mockery
shown on endless lists
placed carefully aside
to protect the heart
and subdue the mind

nails tap on the table
reinventing the wheel
that is not ice
cannot be liquid
will not be lists
but will always be
the longing for love

Author's Notes:
The week I learned about metaphor....
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeRandy Harrison on January 14, 2007 09:25:29 PM Report
Excellent AS IS!

Randy

Comment By: FreeJeff on December 29, 2006 02:43:46 PM Report
Excellent write....

 

Jeff

Happy New Years~

Comment By: PremiumDavid Turner on December 28, 2006 05:28:42 AM Report
Ann - I have enjoyed your work very much - but I would like to say that the complete absence of punctuation, which I assume is deliberate, makes for very hard reading and in my opinion, easy mis-reading.

 

I know it does seem to be quite fashionable for this style of poetry to be used but - strong traditionalist that I am and supporter of Lynn Truss - I honestly think your work would be better and more accessible if you learned about  punctuation as well as metaphor:-) ( I am sure that you really can full stop and apostrophise with the best of us, but this style seems to me to be a facile way for a poet to add mystique and mystery to a poem.)

 

PLease don't take offence and of course you must use your own judgement about this rather bold and fundamental critique of your work on my part.

 

 

Warm Wishes

 

David





 


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