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Author Name: FreeDamon 6 Comments
Date Added: February 21, 2006 16:02:25 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Get Healthy Now!
> The Straight Dope On Food, Health, & Exercise:>> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?>> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything> wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live> longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving> it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.>> * * *>> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?>> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and> corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an> efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?> Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy> vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily> allowance of vegetable slop.>> * * *>> Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?>> A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we> all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories:> animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not> animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only> leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy> your liquid vegetables.>> * * *>> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?>> A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to> one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.>> * * *>> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise> program?>> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is:> No Pain - Good.>> * * *>> Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?>> A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If> you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.>> * * *>> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?>> A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In> fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad> for you?>> * * *>> Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?>> A: Thicker gravy.>> * * *>> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the> middle?>> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should> only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.>> I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.
Author's Notes:
These were sent to me by Hugh Wyles, a friend from New Zealand.
Thanks for the laugh Hugh.
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'Get Healthy Now!' Copyright © Damon D. Brewer
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Comment By: FreeThe Bag Lady on March 1, 2006 04:50:51 PM Report
I got one of these thru email, too, Damon~! And, it is funny and fun to pass along~!

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Comment By: PremiumMary Lou Allen on February 28, 2006 12:53:10 AM Report
Hahaha! Damon, this is priceless! You must let your friend know that he lifted many a spirit with this excellent piece. And thank you, my friend, for sharing it with us. ML
Comment By: FreeGraham Jones on February 23, 2006 05:42:59 AM Report
What a great laugh this is ,recommend it to anyone :-)
Comment By: FreePatricia Lee on February 23, 2006 05:37:00 AM Report
Extremely funny, made me laugh out loud,I really enjoyed reading this,thankyou.
Comment By: FreeLiquid Poetess on February 22, 2006 05:24:58 AM Report
LOL very funny, and its only 10:24 am today... but I'll go smoke some more in a little while, might have a glass of vegetable slop later this evening too LOL I LOVES red wine, so any excuse..

Liquid Poetess : )
Comment By: FreeJoe Petro on February 22, 2006 04:55:09 AM Report
I'm on my second cigarette fourth glass of wine and I'm eating a pork chop stuffed with bloody beef. jp


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