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Author Name: Freeredsea_greysky 12 Comments
Date Added: July 24, 2005 13:07:20 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Unspecified
Category: Grieving & Loss Add To Favorites | Text Only
 
Transience
The yellow glow has finally gone
And wisps of cotton fall upon the lawn.
Above, the canvas has turned black.
Yet light it does not lack.
The sky, filled with foam, has opened a bit,
And what was hidden, now is lit.
Color has been removed from one's sight;
Left are only shades of black and white.
The ground has become a silver sea.
Whispers are heard from a shivering tree.
Water slows to a stop,
And animals scurry on its top.
 
Somewhere, something does exhale,
And the breath holds on, despite the gale.
From the lips it is slow to move,
And it clings to the skin with nothing to prove.
But cautiously it moves away,
Because it knows forever it cannot stay.
The last drop of moisture releases its grip,
And the breath now embarks on its trip.
It thinks its free to choose where it goes,
But it's always influenced by the wind that blows.
Moments pass and it holds on strong;
Yet fighting against time, it can't live long.
The tiny cloud hangs motionless in the air.
The moon weaves in its silver, with most delicate care.
The silver suddenly dissapears,
Yet no one will shed any tears,
For this temporary life that did nothing ever,
Since there is not a thing that can live forever.
Author's Notes:
Life
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Comments:
Comment By: FreeJo on October 19, 2005 10:01:49 PM Report
The imagery and personification are magnificent!! Very creative! Very worthy of the award. However, "slown" is not a word, and I found that a few of the rhymes sounded very forced to my ears. I think some work could be done still, yet the idea itself is amazing and presented beautifully. I like what joia says; it does seem foggy and weblike. Nice work and congratulations on the award! -Jo
Comment By: on October 7, 2005 07:41:17 PM Report
Congratulations on this lovely write!!
Comment By: Freejoia on October 6, 2005 11:40:56 PM Report
An unusual rendition of life, very original...weaves words through almost foggy and weblike...there and yet not....for such is life...job well done and congratulations, joia
Comment By: FreeMaricia on October 4, 2005 12:41:06 AM Report
nice one...it's true
Comment By: FreeHelen on September 17, 2005 04:58:47 PM Report
oh... this is beautiful... and life, too, despite all the sadness in it, is beautiful...
Comment By: FreeCindy Bendel on September 15, 2005 01:15:09 PM Report
Quite appropriate in light of the 9/11 anniversary and Hurricane Katrina....hints at many of those images. Haunting and vivid. Very well done. Congrats on the award. Blueyd553
Comment By: on September 8, 2005 10:45:29 PM Report
Jimi~
Truly a terrific write,congratulations on your award.
(*Moon~
Comment By: FreeCathy on September 6, 2005 02:01:47 PM Report
WOW incredible just so wonderfully written Life is such a mystery but you seem to have put in into perspective. Loved every word of this amazing poem Congratulations on your well deserved award
Cathy
Comment By: FreeRoger Bacon on September 6, 2005 12:55:05 PM Report
Very interesting and descriptive write. Congrats on your award.
Comment By: FreeSamantha Firefly on September 6, 2005 06:20:23 AM Report
Great write. Congratulations on the award.
Samantha.
Comment By: FreeThe Bag Lady on September 6, 2005 01:06:05 AM Report
Congratulations on an intriguing write about Life, Jimi~! It was a visual gift~
Margaret...the old bag lady
Comment By: AdminRichardM on September 5, 2005 09:10:51 PM Report
Congratulations Jimi! This is a well desering write about what we all have in common!
Rich





 


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