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Author Name: Freehydrokat420 37 Comments
Date Added: January 17, 2005 14:01:09 Average Score: (Needs 2)
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Type: Unspecified
Category: Humor Add To Favorites | Text Only
My Boobs
For years and years they told me,

Be careful of your breasts.

Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,

And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,

And protected them by law.

Guarded them very carefully,

And I always wore my bra.

After 21 years of astute care,

My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,

Said I should get a Mammogram,

"O.K.," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,

(She got my boob in line),

"And tell me when it hurts," she said,

"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal.

I could not believe my eyes!

A plastic plate came slamming down,

My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,

From underneath my chin.

My poor boob was being squashed,

To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,

Within it's vise-like grip.

A prisoner in this vicious thing,

My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,

Who does she think she's kidding?!?

My chest is mashed in her machine

And woozy I am getting."

"There, that's good," I heard her say,

(The room was slowly swaying.)

"Now, let's have a go at the other one."

Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,

It squeezed me from both sides.

I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,

To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,

I will request a blindfold,

I have no wish to see again,

My knockers getting steamrolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,

I surely have one now.

If there had been a cyst in there,

It would have gone "ker-pow"!

This machine was created by a man,

Of this, I have no doubt.

I'd like to stick his balls in there,

And see how THEY come out.

Author's Notes:
Report Offensive Poem.

'My Boobs' Copyright © Christina
Copyright is property of the above author or group. Reproduction in whole or in part is strictly prohibited.
Click here if you feel this poem is in violation of a copyright.
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Comment By: FreeAlezandria on November 30, 2010 08:04:07 AM Report
lol thats hilarious. my mother said nearly all that to me when she got a mamogram. very well written, and funny!
Comment By: FreeAndrew on December 12, 2009 11:51:44 PM Report
i would say your boobs are quite popular.  this one was a lot of fun and i can see why it was so popular (topic notwithstanding).  great job in making light of something most don't even want to think about.  and keep protecting your hooters - might need them some day.
Comment By: FreeShuberth Dias on October 17, 2009 04:49:25 PM Report
wow. i'm lol

i loved it, but that would have really hurt :(


i'm adding this to my fav

Great write !


Comment By: FreeAbi on May 13, 2009 11:07:42 AM Report
I enjoyed reading this, very funny =]

Abi xx

Comment By: FreeStar on February 28, 2009 08:41:27 AM Report of the many Joys of being a Woman Christina.  This was funny...



Comment By: FreeDamon D. Brewer on February 7, 2009 02:05:42 PM Report
I beg to disagree with you on who invented that loathsome machine.  If men were doing those tests, we would still prefer to do them by hand using our own of course.  Hilarious!



Comment By: FreeSamantha Becker on February 4, 2009 08:19:08 PM Report
Hahaha this is great :) it made my day

its greattt!

Comment By: FreeKasia Helena Drazek on September 21, 2008 03:45:58 PM Report
haha thats funny

Love it!


Comment By: FreeraM on May 15, 2008 04:26:45 AM Report

aah that was good



Comment By: PremiumDavid Turner on December 31, 2007 02:59:51 PM Report
Your punishment for this poem

should be to be

betesticled for a day

And take a kick from me!



Comment By: Freejohnny v. garcia on December 1, 2007 04:50:58 PM Report
wow you are good loved your poem !!!!!!!!
Comment By: Freejohnny v. garcia on December 1, 2007 04:50:25 PM Report

Comment By: FreeStrongerNow on July 21, 2007 09:42:32 AM Report
This one made me laugh. This is so well written. It surely was invented by a man.


Comment By: FreeCassandra on July 4, 2007 12:29:30 PM Report

funny [[:

Comment By: FreeTrey Brown on April 25, 2007 10:51:30 PM Report
    I saw this on someone else's fav's and lmao...I think I may have to do someone the same favor :-D  Very well written and I think the voids do well in slowing the reader down, I think I'd have read it too fast and not laughed nearly as much if I could've seen it all on the same screen.

Comment By: FreeS on March 26, 2007 03:03:29 PM Report
halarious but u could do with out all the blank space
Comment By: FreeTweek on December 21, 2006 10:24:56 AM Report
Oh my god.
Now I fear my future life as a female, as I haven't hit twenty yet, lol!
Amazingly hilarious though! I deffinately got a giggle from it!

Comment By: FreeMichelle on December 5, 2006 11:57:10 AM Report
hahaha......that's sooo funny! Sorry though, that had to suck...
Comment By: Freebloodtear on December 4, 2006 08:11:51 AM Report

lol funny!!!

Comment By: FreeLast Temple Knight on November 2, 2006 04:22:20 PM Report
LOL ~ Too funny for words!
Comment By: FreeAshley on October 15, 2006 07:52:01 PM Report
lol thats hilarious but that had to hurt
Comment By: FreeJeff on August 9, 2005 05:46:29 AM Report
This is so funny...superb write.

Comment By: FreeJami on July 17, 2005 05:20:26 AM Report
this is awesome and very funny!!!!!!!
Comment By: FreeAndrew Jenkins on June 19, 2005 06:42:07 PM Report
Agh... I dunno whether to laugh or cry ^_^;
Comment By: FreeLoki on June 16, 2005 07:08:16 PM Report
I love the last few lines, but that would really hurt, babe.
Comment By: Freenoah count on April 30, 2005 03:09:21 PM Report
Though my finger got tired reading this fine piece of creativity, it's the least it can do in respect for your roughed up boobs. When I first saw the title I was hoping you were going to write about some guys that you knew. I was very happily disappointed. Hope you and all your body parts are doing well, noah
Comment By: FreeAndy on March 29, 2005 08:06:19 PM Report
This is hilarious! Sorry for your pain, but damn this is too funny your expressions!
Comment By: FreeRobert E. Richards on March 23, 2005 06:57:31 PM Report
This is great, the things you women go through. But you would'nt get my balls in one.
Comment By: FreeJB on March 18, 2005 12:04:47 AM Report
that is so funny, I know it must be painful, but you took a horrible situation and created something very funny. I love this poem, "accept for the last two lines" Ha ha, great write
Comment By: PremiumJoe McNinney on March 17, 2005 05:19:15 PM Report
this is going into my favs list,very funny poem on a very serious topic,another great job, joe
Comment By: Freechristopher on March 10, 2005 09:41:06 PM Report
thats was very cute sweety
Comment By: FreePeter Williams on January 19, 2005 05:52:33 AM Report
lmao yeah that did make me laugh ... way to make the guys cross their legs on the last verse though... owww!
Comment By: FreeLady Dragonwyck on January 18, 2005 09:06:33 AM Report
Christina: oh this is soooooo true and painful!!!!

Lady Dragonwyck -- hey, Nathaniel, I like your idea!!!!
Comment By: FreePoetic Soldier on January 18, 2005 08:41:00 AM Report
Ouch sounds painful, actually I had to prove you wrong here, if a man had his way it would still be a test done in his hands....

Still Great Write

Comment By: FreeLiquid Poetess on January 17, 2005 03:48:36 PM Report
OMG truly truly great!! LOVE the last verse.....& so true.
Comment By: FreeCandy on January 17, 2005 03:02:38 PM Report
lol o my!! Great write sweets! Very funny!

Candy :)
Comment By: FreeSweetSunshine on January 17, 2005 02:22:44 PM Report
lol I really enjoyed reading this, Christina, especially the last verse..I think I agree with you. :) Great write!!

warm hugz,


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